Letters to Kade: August 19, 2007

Dearest Kade,
We learned Friday that you had already gone to God so we went to the hospital to begin delivery. I was in labor that night and through the next day. When the time came to begin pushing, I just lost it. It suddenly hit me that this was it...I was going to have to let you go and there was just no way I was ready. The months of hoping and praying for a miracle had come to an end. It was time. The delivery was not the easiest, but not too rough. You are so beautiful! You are tiny...just 3 pounds. You look like Kinsley in the face with those round little cheeks. You have a very long, skinny little body and built just like your daddy. You are so perfect-your little head is the only thing that was not absolutely perfect. You have beautiful, long little fingers and cute, fat flat feet just like daddy's. I held you most of the day yesterday and kissed your little face. We took pictures of you and you with the family. I knew the minute I saw you that I was so thankful that I got the chance to meet you. You are so much worth the pain. I just can't explain how much I love you and how grateful I am to be your mommy. You are a beautiful child-such a blessing. You are so tiny and amazing...it's so hard to understand how you couldn't live when everything about you seemed so perfect. As hard and painful as it is, it will never change that I have loved you more than life itself for the last nine months and I will continue to do so for the rest of my life. I am not ready to say goodbye yet and I won't say those words until we lay you down for the last time. I know today I will hold you and love you and leaving you will be the hardest thing I have ever done.
I love you baby. I am so grateful for your beautiful face, spirit, and the amazing fight you gave to live.
Love Always,
Mommy