The Great Mommy Debate

So every working mom I know has gone through it. That feeling that you should be home with your children, yet knowing you have to work in order to keep feeding them. I remember leaving my now 4 year old to go back to work and it sucked. I cried and cried. Now, I am reliving it all over again as I prepare to leave my 5 week old next week to return to work. As I held her today, I kept looking over at my Blackberry, what I call "living by the red blinking light" and I felt so guilty that instead of cherishing this moment with her, I was instead trying to figure out how to manuver my phone without waking her up. I have discovered that when I am at work, I feel guilty for not being with my children. When I am with my children, I feel guilty for not working. How are we suppose to juggle it all and why is there not an easier way to have both? I am very blessed that I am able to work from home 75% of the time. Although, we all know working at home with kids is near impossible, so they still have to go to daycare a majority of the time I am home working during the week. The other 25% of the time I am on the road traveling, and this is the time I know I fail as a mother. I see them maybe an hour in the morning and an hour in the evening and I can't express how much I miss them. Trying to be a super mom, super employee, super wife, etc. takes its toll and I begin to wonder why I make myself feel guilty for not being superwoman.
I am sure that losing Kade has made it worse. Losing a child makes you super paranoid, I have discovered. I now worry about anything and everything and I am always worried about something happening to one of my girls. It is almost a true fear that grips me at all times. Very uncharacteristic for me and I am not sure how to handle it. They say time heals all wounds, but I am learning there is not truth to that. It may get easier, but it never heals.