A Mother's Journey

So I've been going through all my journals from our journey with Kade and have been trying to put them into some type of order or story. As part of the anencephaly support group, I'd like to have our story posted to where parents new to the diagnosis can read his story. I found it helpful when we received his diagnosis and were left with nothing on the fatal birth defect. No even the spelling of the disorder...try googling "anencephaly" without having a clue how it is spelt. The Internet was so cruel....wish I'd never googled it. Most posts were so far from the truth of the babies with this birth defect-at least in Kade's case they were way off. I'll never forget landing on YouTube and they actually had videos of babies with anencephaly...making rude, cruel jokes about them dying. Who does that??? Disappointments in humanity that those people actually exist. Not that I wouldn't want to meet them in person...I am pretty damn sure I'd have no problem taking them out....we live in the country..plenty of places to hide the evidence :) Just kidding; sort of. How people like that exist is beyond me. I have not been back on YouTube since that day...disappointments me they'd allow people to post stuff like that. Well, that is my rant. Back to my point, I am trying to compile all these journals into something that may help others. I don't know that anything ever really helps, but it made a difference to know that someone else could understand. It's funny how at times reading the journals makes me feel better and at other times, takes me to a dark place. It's a roller coaster ride that doesn't end and you never know when the next hill will be just around the corner. Anger, grief, sadness, anger, grief, it just goes in circles...high, low, high, low. I'll start posting these entries with the next blog and hope that I am able to complete the task without losing my mind all over again.