Journal Entry: June 10, 2007

His grace is sufficient for me. That is what I keep telling myself over and over. This tribulation is for a purpose and no matter what, we will always have a son. Kade Daniel Klaassen will always be our son. He will always be a part of us. He is growing so much and he moves all the time. I am so thankful for that. It makes this time so much more special. It's made me feel like I've gotten a chance to know him. He has such a personality. I am so glad. I know in all this darkness there is light. The light is God's love and grace and that Kade will be happy and healthy at the feet of God. How can I be angry or sad about that? How can I be so selfish as to deny him that? I am so glad I am carrying him. I can't imagine not seeing him, holding him, etc. I would've always wondered. some call the decision selfish, some brave. I say neither. A mother loves her child unconditionally and her instinct is to protect her children. I don't even see it as my choice. It's always been in God's hands, whether I was aware of it or not. It's insane to think how smug I was. To think we could control everything or that we can just choose when and how things in our life will take place.