Live Authentically

So I am addicted to chocolate. I don't buy it or keep it in the house, however, my mom seems to keep me in full supply. "Therapy" she calls it. Her latest treat she sent home were the Dove chocolates. They have these cute little wrappers with "inspiring' messages inside each one. So today's read "Live Authentically". For some reason, that stuck with me all day (yes, I did have chocolate for breakfast...remember when I said I don't like having it in the house...exactly) for some reason. It's just been in my brain as to what that means. Does it mean be true to who you are, to make your own path, or simply just the definition of authentic: genuine, real. Most of my life, I have tried to be anything but authentic. I've always wanted to be someone else or like someone else. I've never been happy in my own skin. Whew-it's only taken me 30 years to say that out loud. Kidding aside, it is true that most of what we do in life is because it is to have more like someone else, to be more like someone else, and as a majority, to live as how others expect us to. Not much in life is authentic anymore. If living more authentic includes making it simpler, I am all in. I am so tired of working to achieve...achieve what, I don't know. The paycheck? Realistically, the paycheck is a necessity. Gotta have it or my kids don't eat. However, why must we work so hard, so much time away from our families, watch half of our salaries go to taxes (seriously---my last check had 40% taken out for taxes) , and then come home to the feelings of frustration and guilt that we've missed out on the very most important things to us. I had a friend say the other day "Well, my kids are in school most of the day anyway" and yes, that is true for most (mine aren't there yet), however, wouldn't it be nice that when they got home, you could be there for them? Or when you came home in the evening, the house work, dinner, dishes, etc would be done so you could just spend time with them and actually SLEEP before the sun came up?? Maybe it just me, but I am tired of being tired. I am tired of feeling like I should always be some where else. At work I feel guilty for leaving my kids, at home I feel guilty for not working on an unfinished project or email. And DARN THAT BLACKBERRY....every since I've had that thing, I live by that darn blinking red light. I may be home and with my family, but subconsciously, I'm check out...I am constantly checking that thing or thinking about checking it. You hear all this stuff about "living in the moment" and normally, I am the first one to go "CORNY" but you know, I am buying more and more into that theory. These moments won't last forever, and not a one is guaranteed. I want my kids to remember those moments and when my time on this earth is done, I want them to have so many memories of those little moments, that their hearts are full, and not sad with grief. I will never be able to give my kids everything...however, I can give them everything in me. Everything they need to be respectful, compassionate, and loving adults. At the end of the day, that paycheck can't buy that. I love what I do and I am very blessed God has granted me with the career that he has. However, as a mom, the time spent with my kids just never seems to be enough. So the promise I made to myself today was this: It is ok to just be me, to just want to be myself, and that at the end of every day, I am going to enjoy this "real" life, as it is everything I ever could have wanted and it has taken a lot of blood, sweat, and tears to get here.